I came on here tonight and Ive realized a lot. Im not the same person anymore. I know im young still and I am forever changing but after reading what I once wrote, I am nothing but confused. The journal entries that I wrote before, I was so sure at the time that those were my feelings. Now everything is different. I hate it. I thought I loved someone, I thought everything was perfect but I was wrong. Ive felt that way about numerous people and over a certain period of time, events take place that change your entire life and the person you are. One person that you involve in your life can either make or break your life..if you let them. I mean am I the only one this happens to? I cant be, Its impossible, its only a phase right? Where you think anyone that you care about and that cares about you is "the one"? Or am I insecure and naive. Even though I only have made two journal entries I look over one of them and I just want to smack myself and tell myself "you were so wrong." I am sitting here, able to realize how I can create and disgaurd the feelings that I make for others. I am now able to realize how mine and others minds work. Yet I still am beginning a new life with the one I love. Before, I knew that if anything ever happened to the relationship with me and another person that I would be okay, and I would prepare myself and set myself up for the worse. I still continue to carry that knowledge with me as I take the journey again, but i realize something, even though I know that the worse could happen anyday...no matter how much I try to set myself up for the fall, I know that I cant prepare myself anymore. Im not able to think about life beyond the break-up anymore, I cant picture it, I cant imagine it and I cant see myself in it. It makes my wonder if this is "it." No matter how you express your feelings to another person though or yourself, you still cant have any gaurantees. It sucks too, life is nothing but chances if you think about it. Everything you do in life revolves around one simple chance. Nothing is ever a sure thing anymore. All a person can have is hopes. And thats all I have now. I can write my own decisions in stone all I want, but you can never make up another persons decisions for them. Like I said, all you can have is hopes. In the mean time, I can love this person and give them my world but I cant make their decisions for them or change what happens daily. And its back to how I began.. people change and things change so much it confuses me, it scares me, what if i dont want things to change.